Domestic violence not only affects those who are abused, but it can also take a toll on family members, friends, co-workers, and the community at large. The following information will help you be supportive of your friend or loved one while also taking care of yourself:

Understanding Why She Stays

There are many reasons why a woman decides to return to or stay in an abusive relationship. In many cases, the victim fears for her life. She may want the violence to end, not the relationship. She may want her children to grow up with both parents. Or, she may be so damaged by the abuse that she thinks the abuse is her fault, or that she cannot make it on her own. Whatever the reason for her decision, you can support her by:

• Helping her find resources, providing emotional support, and helping her rebuild her self-esteem
• Encouraging her to develop a safety plan for herself and her children.
• Encouraging her to keep a log or journal that documents evidence of threats sent in letters, email, or left on voicemail or answering machines. Recommend that she keep the log in a safe place.
• Suggesting that she tell her doctor or nurse about the violence and ask to have the abuse recorded in her medical records with photographs of injuries. Or, offer to take photos yourself. Recommend that she store the photos in a safe place, along with a written description of what happened. These records will be helpful to her if she decides to take legal action.

Be Patient and Know Your Limits

Although it's difficult to see your friend or loved one getting hurt, ultimately she has to decide for herself when and how to take a stand to end the abuse. Understand that a victim may try to leave several times before she makes a final break. This can occur over the course of several months, or several years. Establish boundaries for yourself so that you can be supportive, but take care that you don't become overwhelmed by your friend's needs.

How to Help When She Leaves

If your friend or loved one decides to leave the relationship, she may need money, help finding a place to live, a place to store her belongings or transportation to a battered women's program. Decide if you feel comfortable helping her in these ways.

The most important thing you can do is help her develop a safety plan in advance, which includes setting aside money and important documents in a safe place and making a plan to escape from the violence. Contact CHOICES at (614) 224-4663 to learn more about safety planning.

When to Intervene

It cannot be overemphasized that domestic violence is a crime that can result in serious physical injury and even death. If you know that a battering incident is actually occurring, call the police immediately. Calling the police does not always mean the abuser will be put in jail. It is simply the most effective way to protect the victim and children from immediate danger.