Dear Sisters,

We have a question for you: Are you able to turn your head, look on your shoulder and see something there that makes you smile?

If the answer is "no," you aren't wearing your pride where it should be! If the answer is "yes," be careful – wear your pride wisely!

To some extent, pride is difficult to define. But for Lillian, it means everything. "I am proud to be able to walk away and stay away and not return to an abusive situation," she says. Her pride is so important to her that she explains, "I wouldn't let him knock the pride out of me. I still tried to prosper. I had enough pride and dignity to go to work. I had pride enough to wear a black eye and not lie. Someone saw that in me."

"To beg and borrow would take away from my pride. I didn't know where I could get help. If you have pride, you have self-respect, dignity and honor. I am a proud woman and I want others to see me that way. I take a shower and get dressed, it gives me strength. I don't want to be half-clean. When I walk out my door I want others to see that I am a woman who takes care of her business. I come to work and I am happier. I can accomplish something for myself. When I walk to the bus stop at the end of the day, I know I have done a good job and can let my body relax."

"I dare anyone to knock pride off my shoulder. I am tired of walking with my head down. I want to walk with my head up."

"All the women in my family had hardships. They all did for themselves. I have to do for myself what no one else will. I love to do for me."

"The pride in myself gives me so much satisfaction," Lillian concludes. She looks at her shoulder and smiles. We could feel her pride; it moved us.

"You can't separate pride and self-esteem," Anne explains. "They go together. There are some things I don't let anyone take away from me, my self-esteem and my pride." Anne says she could be physically abused, but her abuser could not mess with her heart. "You have to separate the issues to keep your pride," she explains. "You have to know in your heart you don't deserve the abuse."

But pride can get in the way as well, Anne and Marie explain. It can create a blind spot and make you too proud to step back and reflect on yourself.

"My man knew I needed him because I wasn't the kind that could go and ask for help. I think pride could even destroy you if you can't see what you really need," Anne adds.

If she hadn't had so much pride, Marie thinks she would be in a very different situation today. When she was a teenage mom with no place to go, she lived with her father at first. She was determined to pay the expenses for her child rather than accept her father's help and his advice to stay in school. Looking back, she says that pride got in her way.

"My grandmother told me pride would destroy you and everything. I can be the most destructive thing on earth."

How can you make pride work for you?

Marie says make sure you keep respect and honor for yourself. Then you will have pride in everything. You can lose control of your body but not your mind.

Don't let pride make you haughty so that you see others' faults and not your own. Remember the Gospel. Sweep around your own door before you sweep around someone else's. Don't be egotistical and judge yourself before you judge someone else. To have pride you must first be decent in your own life and respect others. You must give dignity to get dignity.

With the changes in attitude towards domestic violence and the availability of shelters for women, you don't have to be on the streets. You can take pride and start over.

Always keep the pride you have within yourself. Wear it on your shoulder and when you see it, smile. Never, never let it go.

Women who have made the choice, Lillian, Anne and Marie